This post is inspired by a conversation I had with a woman whose husband has ADHD. She said that their marriage was going through a rough time because her husband blamed all of his failings on his ADHD. He used it as an excuse to get out of helping around the house, helping with the kids, and working on their relationship. Sadly, their marriage was headed toward a negative conclusion.
Early in my marriage, I did the same thing. I learned very quickly that excuses just don’t help me from growing, but have great potential to hurt the ones that I love.
There was a book that came out a little while ago called I’m Not Lazy, Crazy, or Stupid. That is extremely true – ADDers are not lazy, crazy, or stupid. But like everyone else, we have the tendency to be lazy. And on top of that, we have obstacles like the distractability that most people don’t have.
That leaves us with a choice. Do we
A. Find the help that I need accomplish the task that is more challenging than for most people?
B. Make an excuse to try to find a way to get out of it?
It’s often easier to come up with an excuse rather than dig deep for the internal motivation to move forward, especially when your goal is difficult.
I have a stack of books on my desk, but I struggle with reading. And when I say ‘struggle’, I mean like World War III. It’s a battle for me to read. However, my passion is to be helpful with those with ADHD. To be good at that, I have to educate myself, which means reading.
So, I fight to get the reading done. I find a way to set up the accountability, set aside the excuses, and recognize that I have the tendency to find more fun things to do instead. It’s only by battling to dedicate my time that I can finally read.
To learn to battle the temptation to make excuses, make a list of all of the challenges that you’d like to meet. For each challenge, come up with 3 positive ways that you can attack the problem. Then go for it.
When you’ve tried your best, come back to evaluate your list and try again in any area where you feel like you fell short.
Yes, you have ADHD. Yes, it comes with a lot of obstacles. However, you still have the capability to reach the big and difficult goals. There is enough help out there through books, life coaches, medicine, and more to help you meet your challenges and keep moving forward.
Don’t miss out on all of the fun, creative adventures that life has to offer. There’s certainly no excuse for that.
