Simply Ben Glenn | The Simple ADHD Expert

I can relate. I need an outlet. I have a short fuse and have the capacity to explode like most ADDers. We unleash our energy in different ways. Some of us are physical, others are verbal, and others internalize it, which leads to internal explosion.

Explosions in movies are cool. And so are the ones in fireworks. But ours are almost never good. We need to channel that energy before it has the chance to do us or others harm.

Boxing has been an excellent outlet for all of my energy and especially on those days when energy and frustration are present at the same time. Like when I’m ready to deplane after that long 5 hour flight and some other passenger yanks their bag out of the overhead compartment and knocks me in the head. And to add insult to injury doesn’t even apologize. Those moments I am especially grateful that I have a punching bag waiting for me.

So, I encouraged Blake to find an outlet, with exercise being a perfect choice. The physical activity eat up a lot of energy, keeps you in shape, and releases endorphins. And if exercise is not your thing, there are plenty of other outlets like music, chess, fishing, or even crocheting (teach that yarn a lesson!). Whatever it is, just make it something that you love to do and will be happy about pouring your energy into.

Blake is learning to recognize whether he’s getting to the point of exploding. So, instead of hitting a wall, he hits up his friends to help him. In addition to finding your outlet, that’s probably the best thing you can do about your pent-up energy.

I travel with my good friend and mentor Larry. He knows me well enough to see when I’m reaching my boiling point and pulls me aside before I get there. He’s helped me learn how to let frustrations go and change my attitude and mindset. And he can do this because I’ve given him permission to do so in our friendship.

I know that Larry has my best interests in mind. He doesn’t do all of this to be condescending or critical. He says, “I want Ben’s goodness to be seen.”

That’s someone who I’m proud to have as a friend and teammate. I highly recommend choosing a friend to walk with you in this struggle. He/she needs to be someone that you trust, and you need to give them permission to step into your life and show you some tough love.

Managing our energy level and frustrations is not an easy task. Find your outlet and find your Larry. It might take time and some trial and error, but you’ll be glad that you did. It beats punching a wall, because to be honest – the wall wins about every time.

Hey guys! I’m sorry I didn’t post this here earlier, although if you’re my “fan” on Facebook, this will be old news for you, but here’s a video (actually a series of videos) I made to tell you about my boxing and the championship that I went to a couple of weeks ago. Check it out and see what you think.

Title: Hobart School District
Location: Hobart, IN
Description: Teacher In-Service
Date: 2009-08-19

Had a blast at Hobart! What a great school you have – I wish my school had been so well designed! And those brick scupltures were super cool!

Peggy! Thank you so much for your passion and enthusiasm for education – it’s always great working with folks like yourself! And thanks for the totally unexpected “pitch” for my ADHD-friendly “brain bombs” – looking forward to your ideas on a good name for these nutritious energy snacks.

Tony, Alley, Kathy – you guys were a tremendous help! Thank you!

As far as getting some sample “brain bombs” – please check back in a couple of days – we’ll try and get something set-up in our store.

 You’ll be able to order samples and just pay shipping…for a little while anyway – the condition is that you complete a quick survey about your “experience” with the snack. I’m especially interested in parents with kids who have ADHD giving it a shot. I’d love to know if having one of these earlier in the day helps with concentration.

Let me know if you have any questions about it.

Have a great school year!

I’m not pretty.

I’m not popular.

I’m too fat.

I’m not talented.

I’m stupid.

Family counselor J. Allan Peterson, in his book “Better Families” says, “Research shows that for every one negative thing you say to a child (or to yourself, I believe! – ben), you must say four positive things to keep the balance.” In my experience we are too slow to praise others or ourselves. As the attacks on ourselves pile up, it can get hard to find four times as many positive things to tell ourselves to balance things out.

We ADDers are extremely creative and resourceful, which are great talents to have. Unfortunately, sometimes that creativity gets channeled into new and different ways of putting ourselves down.

Self-awareness is the key to stopping the tide of negativity. First, recognize that you have two “voices” inside your head. I think of them as my “good” and “evil” voices. When your “evil” voice tells you negative things,  let your “good” voice speak up and tell the other one to shut it. Don’t know what I’m talking about with the voices? Think it sounds a little crazy? I promise you, I am not! Take the time to listen to what goes on inside your head and soon enough you’ll see that there is a dialogue going on inside your head. Just be sure to listen to the positive you!

Next time, your “evil” voice starts coming at you with negativity or criticism, out loud, say, “I’m not listening to this nonsense! I might not be the smartest or fastest or the best looking, but I have other things to offer!” Then list the things you enjoy doing and that you are good at. Try doing this exercise for a week and see what happens. Keep having the dialogue with yourself until it becomes a habit.

It will get so that any negativity that your pessimistic side tries to throw at you will go in one ear and out the other, and that’s where you want to be. And don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that when you’ve legitimately done something wrong and experience a feeling of shame and remorse that you should dismiss that, but what’s important to learn here is to tell the difference between an actual mistake and beating yourself up because you think you don’t fit some kind of a societal norm.

Second, understand that you are truly hurting yourself and that all that internal negativity is extremely harmful to you both mentally and physically. The old school-yard saying of “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is sadly completely untrue. I would even go as far as saying that a constant stream of verbal abuse is much more harmful than having someone hit you with a stick or throw a rock at you. (Of course we’re not talking about a tree falling on your head or a boulder steam-rolling over you or anything – in that case, yeah, that would be really painful!)

Last, but not least, remember that life has enough challenges without us giving ourselves a hard time. Give yourself a break and concentrate on building and encouraging yourself, not tearing yourself down. We all need and deserve a kind word a few times a day. Even you Packer fans (you know I love you, yes I do).

Title: Atherton High School
Location: Louisville, KY
Description: Teacher In-service (private event)
Date: 2009-07-31

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve spoken to a group of teachers, so yesterday was a real treat – nothing better than giving teachers a pep talk to kick off a new school year! I really hope you all enjoyed the presentation and that you will go into the school year with a sense of anticipation of how you can influence and impact so many young lives.

A big thank you for Donna Buttice of TCO speakers for booking the event and also to Paulette for pulling together all the details.