Go to Ben’s post on Attitude.com!

For the last week, I have been working on another book. Here’s the funny thing, I cannot spell, my grammar stinks and I struggle with reading…and this is my fifth book! Thank God for spell check and editors! Don’t let anything get in the way of you accomplishing the things you want to accomplish. Where there’s a will, there’s away! Have a great weekend everyone!

And I have to share this. Every time I watch I can’t help but start cracking up. Laughter is contagious, so if your life is good, go infect someone!!

It’s important for people with ADHD to consistently have a project in motion. Frustration arises when there isn’t anything to keep the mind engaged. We need those moments of hyper-focus; activities that release neurotransmitters to create the focus that we desire.

To make the task more enjoyable, ask questions. This breaks the work down into bite-sized pieces. And if you have a project leader or boss, be sure to let them know about your focusing struggles. That way, you can get more direction after each step; not as micro-managing, but getting accountability set up for yourself.

But the project lifestyle isn’t all sunshine (unless you’re a heliologist). The ADDer needs to be aware that there will be a feeling of letdown upon completion of a project. I’ve noticed that I tend to go into a mild state of depression when I am between projects and lacking the focus and direction of being actively engaged in reaching a project goal.

Interestingly, for me this “letdown” happens when I return home from being on the road. For a long time my wife and I couldn’t figure it out. I love being home with my family. I would look forward to coming home and then I would get home and spend the next day or two feeling lost, disoriented and down.  Eventually, we came to understand that being on the road, was, in a way, a short-term project for me. The trip consisted of clear and sequential goals that I was comfortable achieving – travel to event location, set-up, speak, meet people, pack-up, spend night at hotel, travel home – and that coming home signaled the completion of the project. I was down not because I was home, but because a project had come to an end and I was left with an activity vacuum which my ADHD brain was not too fond of.

Now I know that after doing a series of shows, I need something to be already implemented when I get home, even if it’s just a planned day of rest. Though it can be a challenge to figure out how to focus on resting. I’m not so good at that.

Still, despite the risk of a letdown, the joy and reward of working on a project is well worth it. Start planning your project lifestyle, and you’ll probably find yourself hooked on getting good work done.

Now, repetition has proven itself, and I can’t say that I hate it. If I put in my reps, I can rely on them to help me recall and effortlessly do what I need to do, even when I’m tired or distracted.

Not too long ago, I took up boxing (I told you that I’m special – some people take naps to relax, me, I like to punch things (and people) ), and my coach has me doing the same drills over and over.

He growls, “Ben, I am teaching you this so that when you are in the ring and you are tired, your body will respond without you even having to think about it.”

This came to light during a recent sparring match. Coach had been getting me to “slip a right jab.” This is when someone throws a right jab at you, and you turn to duck it and counter-punch with a left hook. I was absolutely exhausted during the fight, and then it happened.

In the post-fight debrief, Coach asked me if I saw what I did. I didn’t because I was too tired. He said that I slipped a right jab and threw a left hook; he called it “perfect.” (I was just glad that I could stand upright.) And it was all due to repetition.

People wonder how I, an ADDer, can draw a picture in 12 minutes and 33 seconds or keep my thoughts in order while speaking. It’s because I have done the drawing and the speech so many times that I can probably do it in my sleep. Because I struggle with reading, I work hard to memorize Bible verses so I don’t have read in front of church groups. I turn to the page, but I don’t read it; it just cues me to recall the passage.

ADDers know what it’s like to have a scattered brain; repetition is definitely one of the things that can combat that scatter. Whether it’s music, athletics, performing, or anything else, we can use repetition so that when we’re tired and ADHD flares up, we can work off of instinct.

Practice does make perfect. And that’s something worth repeating.

Being a risk taker can be a good thing. Not everyone can do scary jobs like teaching skydiving, racing cars, being a rodeo cowboy, or speaking onstage. One field that ADDers excel in, but isn’t exactly thought of as risky is sales. Many salespeople are paid by commission, so if you don’t make the sale, you don’t get paid. That’s pretty risky.

With high energy and a fun, extroverted attitude, ADDers are natural salespeople. Years ago, I was amazed to find that I was pretty good at it.

One summer, I worked with “Dads For Lads,” an organization of fathers against drunk driving. To raise support, they had kids sell T-shirts door-to-door. I spent the summer walking around with big stack of shirts on my arm, and I did pretty well. Another summer, I sold frozen pizzas door-to-door for a contest to win a free ‘outdoor education’ camping trip. I really wanted to go learn about the wilderness, build a fire, cook on it, and see all sorts of bugs and animals.

Most kids were too afraid to go door-to-door. There’s something intimidating about walking up to a door – you never know who’s going to answer: a pleasant mom, a hairy man, a whiny kid, or a drooling dog. The other kids averaged about 10 pizzas sold, mostly to their relatives. I sold 100, won the contest, and went away for my first-ever weekend of camping.

My undiscovered ADHDness helped me to knock on people’s doors and ask them to buy something. I didn’t worry about what people thought or who might answer the door. I was an excellent salesman, and if I weren’t doing what I’m doing now, I probably would have ended up in sales.

What I’m do now for a living has its own risks. It’s a common belief that there are more people who fear public speaking than those who fear death. And the audiences don’t make it easy either. At many of the public school assemblies where I speak, the kids are usually not happy to see me. The looks on their faces scream, “I dare you to try to impress me.” I’m thankful to have many more happy endings than horror stories over the years.

If you have ADHD and have recognized the joy in taking risks, find something positive that’s worth taking a risk for; something that you dream about or love to do; something good that will make a difference in people’s lives. Oh, and preferably something that the police don’t have a codename for.

Explosions in movies are cool. And so are the ones in fireworks. But ours are almost never good. We need to channel that energy before it has the chance to do us or others harm.

Boxing has been an excellent outlet for all of my energy and especially on those days when energy and frustration are present at the same time. Like when I’m ready to deplane after that long 5 hour flight and some other passenger yanks their bag out of the overhead compartment and knocks me in the head. And to add insult to injury doesn’t even apologize. Those moments I am especially grateful that I have a punching bag waiting for me.

So, I encouraged Blake to find an outlet, with exercise being a perfect choice. The physical activity eat up a lot of energy, keeps you in shape, and releases endorphins. And if exercise is not your thing, there are plenty of other outlets like music, chess, fishing, or even crocheting (teach that yarn a lesson!). Whatever it is, just make it something that you love to do and will be happy about pouring your energy into.

Blake is learning to recognize whether he’s getting to the point of exploding. So, instead of hitting a wall, he hits up his friends to help him. In addition to finding your outlet, that’s probably the best thing you can do about your pent-up energy.

I travel with my good friend and mentor Larry. He knows me well enough to see when I’m reaching my boiling point and pulls me aside before I get there. He’s helped me learn how to let frustrations go and change my attitude and mindset. And he can do this because I’ve given him permission to do so in our friendship.

I know that Larry has my best interests in mind. He doesn’t do all of this to be condescending or critical. He says, “I want Ben’s goodness to be seen.”

That’s someone who I’m proud to have as a friend and teammate. I highly recommend choosing a friend to walk with you in this struggle. He/she needs to be someone that you trust, and you need to give them permission to step into your life and show you some tough love.

Managing our energy level and frustrations is not an easy task. Find your outlet and find your Larry. It might take time and some trial and error, but you’ll be glad that you did. It beats punching a wall, because to be honest – the wall wins about every time.

I’m not popular.

I’m too fat.

I’m not talented.

I’m stupid.

Family counselor J. Allan Peterson, in his book “Better Families” says, “Research shows that for every one negative thing you say to a child (or to yourself, I believe! – ben), you must say four positive things to keep the balance.” In my experience we are too slow to praise others or ourselves. As the attacks on ourselves pile up, it can get hard to find four times as many positive things to tell ourselves to balance things out.

We ADDers are extremely creative and resourceful, which are great talents to have. Unfortunately, sometimes that creativity gets channeled into new and different ways of putting ourselves down.

Self-awareness is the key to stopping the tide of negativity. First, recognize that you have two “voices” inside your head. I think of them as my “good” and “evil” voices. When your “evil” voice tells you negative things,  let your “good” voice speak up and tell the other one to shut it. Don’t know what I’m talking about with the voices? Think it sounds a little crazy? I promise you, I am not! Take the time to listen to what goes on inside your head and soon enough you’ll see that there is a dialogue going on inside your head. Just be sure to listen to the positive you!

Next time, your “evil” voice starts coming at you with negativity or criticism, out loud, say, “I’m not listening to this nonsense! I might not be the smartest or fastest or the best looking, but I have other things to offer!” Then list the things you enjoy doing and that you are good at. Try doing this exercise for a week and see what happens. Keep having the dialogue with yourself until it becomes a habit.

It will get so that any negativity that your pessimistic side tries to throw at you will go in one ear and out the other, and that’s where you want to be. And don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that when you’ve legitimately done something wrong and experience a feeling of shame and remorse that you should dismiss that, but what’s important to learn here is to tell the difference between an actual mistake and beating yourself up because you think you don’t fit some kind of a societal norm.

Second, understand that you are truly hurting yourself and that all that internal negativity is extremely harmful to you both mentally and physically. The old school-yard saying of “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is sadly completely untrue. I would even go as far as saying that a constant stream of verbal abuse is much more harmful than having someone hit you with a stick or throw a rock at you. (Of course we’re not talking about a tree falling on your head or a boulder steam-rolling over you or anything – in that case, yeah, that would be really painful!)

Last, but not least, remember that life has enough challenges without us giving ourselves a hard time. Give yourself a break and concentrate on building and encouraging yourself, not tearing yourself down. We all need and deserve a kind word a few times a day. Even you Packer fans (you know I love you, yes I do).